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26.08.2008 08:17 - Мъжете са като...
Автор: anubhis Категория: Забавление   
Прочетен: 28576 Коментари: 57 Гласове:
2



Мъжете са като... Плочки за пода - ако ги поставиш правилно първия път, можеш да се разхождаш върху тях с години.
Мъжете са като... Банкова сметка - без много пари не събират много интерес.
Мъжете са като... Миксер - трябва ти, но не си съвсем сигурна защо.
Мъжете са като... Шоколад - сладък, приятен и обикновено се лепят право за задните ти части.
Мъжете са като... Кафе - най-хубавите са богати (на вкус), топли и могат да те държат будна цяла нощ.
Мъжете са като... Рекламите - не можеш да вярваш на нито една дума, която казват.
Мъжете са като... Компютрите - трудни за разбиране и никога нямат достатъчно памет.
Мъжете са като... Хладилна чанта - зареди ги с с бира и можеш да ги заведеш където и да е.
Мъжете са като... Копирни машини - трябват ти за размножаване, и май това е всичко.
Мъжете са като... Държавни ценни книжа - трябва им дълго време да стигнат до състояние на зрелост.
Мъжете са като... Място за паркинг - хубавите вече са заети, а тези, които са останали са или (за) инвалиди или са прекалено малки.
Мъжете са като... Пуканки - удовлетворяват те, но само за малко.
Мъжете са като... Снежна буря - никога не знаеш кога ще дойде, колко сантиментра ще е и колко време ще продължи (издържи).
Мъжете са като... Банан - колкото по-стар става, толкова по-малко твърд е.

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Модерна циганка-гледачка Модерна циганка-гледачка към минаваща девойка:
"Алооуу, чаровницееей, спри са да ти казвам, имйел шъ пулучиш! Голем късмет та чака, добър пръвайдър ша намериш!
Един юзър много хубави неща ти мисли. Все та причаква в кюто, ама ти много са крийш, ма! Пусни му на чиляка... оторизейшън, стига си го мъчила с тоз рикуест! Той много та аресва, иска да та джазка виртуално.
Я дай левътъ ръкъ да вида по-добре. Ауу, малка ръчичка имаш, ама голем джойстик си фанала! Въх, много си играйш със скролера на мишката, палавницееей. Немаш ли с кво друго да си играйш, ма?
Тука виждам голем трафик от един сайт с много хиксчета. Ама си ъпдейтвай aнтивирусната и файъруола да не си наджиткаш компа с виртуални въшки.
Дай ся пет лева и Господ да та пази барабар със софтуера и хардуера!
Къде тръгна, ма?
Шъ та кълна, да знайш!
Да ти са напълни компа с вируси дано!
Виндовса да ти висне кът гъза на прабаба ми!
Ре-инстал секи ден да прайш и от бъгове да не съ отървеш!
Да ти го нахакат здраво в айпито!
Имйела със спам да ти затрупат!
Само грозни аватари да намираш!
Кюто ти да са скапе и хистърито да ти са затрий!
Сичките си пароли да забраиш и да ти спрат акаунтите" image

За шефа 

Шефът не флиртува - той  обучава кадрите
На нов началник и на малко прасе не се радвай, защото не знаеш каква  свиня ще излезе от тях.
Началник е човек, който е подранил, когато вие сте закъснели, и  закъснява, когато вие сте подранили.
Всеки уважаващ себе си началник има две секретарки - по една за всяко  коляно. 
Шефът не спи, а си почива. 
Шефът не яде, а си възстановява силите.
Шефът не пие, а дегустира. 
Уважавай шефа си, че може да дойде и по-лош. 
 Шефът не крещи, а убедително изразява мнението си. 
Шефът не се чеше по тила, а обмисля решение. 
Шефът не забравя, а просто не обременява паметта си с излишна  информация.
Шефът не греши - той взема рисковани решения.
 Шефът не гримасничи, а се усмихва без ентусиазъм.
Шефът не е страхливец, а постъпва предвидливо.
Шефът не е неук, а предпочита творческата практика пред безплодната  теория.
 Шефът не взема подкуп, а приема доказателства за благодарност. 
Шефът не обича сплетните, а внимателно изслушва мнението на  сътрудниците си. 
Шефът не лъже, той е дипломат.
Шефът не прави катастрофи, той има шофьор.
Шефът не обича подмазвачите, а награждава лоялните служители
 Шефът не изневерява на жена си, а пътува в командировки.
 Шефът не закъснява - задържат го важни дела.
Ако искаш да живееш и работиш спокойно, не изпреварвай шефа си в развитието.


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Надписи върху опаковки

Американците наистина са много тъпи.Не питайте кой чете указанията върху опаковките,а кой ги пише!:))Ето и някой от лауреатите:)

На сешоар:"Моля,не ползвайте,докато спите!"(М да,това ми е единственото останало време да си суша косата:))

На пакетче чипс:"Спечелете много награди.Покупка не е необходима.Повече информация-в пакета":))

На луксозен сапун:"Упътване:Ползвайте като обикновен сапун."(Дано не ви е първия сапун!:))

На опаковка замразена храна:"Указания за употреба:Размаразете"(Ммммм,хитро!:))

На пакетиран десерт,отпечатано на дъното:"Не обръщайте"!(Късно,късноооооо:))

На полуготов пудинг:Продуктът ще бъде горещ след загряването му.(Не думай!:))

На ютия:Не гладете дрехите върху тялото!(Въпреки,че спестява време?:))

На детски сирп против кашлица:Не шофирайте и не работете с машини след употребата на лекарството!(Да,ще снижим доста броя на строителните инциденти след като разкараме 5 годишните от багерите!:))

На хапчета за сън:Внимание,може да предизвика състояние на сънливост!(Неееееееее:))

На опаковка с коледни светлини:За употреба само в помещения и извън тях!(А къде не може?:))

На пакет с ядки:Внимание,съдържа ядки!(Ще го има и в новините:))

На пакет с ядки:Инструкции:Отворете пакета:Яжте ядки!(Вдишайте,Издишайте...:))

На детски костюм Супермен:Носенето на този костюм не ви позволява да летите!(Върнете ни парите!:))

На моторна резачка:Не се опитвайте да спрете резачката с ръце или гениталии!(О,значи е имало опити?:))

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Тагове:   мъжете,


Гласувай:
2
0



Следващ постинг
Предишен постинг

1. анонимен - яко копи-пейст
26.08.2008 08:35
искам да знаеш ,че съм възмутен и не одобрявам това ти поведение!
цитирай
2. anubhis - :))
26.08.2008 08:39
тлнет:))благодаря за възмущението,
но не очаквай
да си коригирам поведението:))
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3. анонимен - :(
26.08.2008 08:40
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4. placebo - -.-
26.08.2008 12:45
Аа, няма значение дали е копи-пейст, аз за пръв път го виждам и се търкалям по мокета. Заболя ме коремът.
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5. tomich - Ей, давай го по-леко,
26.08.2008 13:04
че се скапах от смях! Бог и всички светии и светици да те благославят, честно!!:D
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6. анонимен - Ахах ,
26.08.2008 15:00
американските упътвания са покъртителни !
Тилнет , не всеки има възможност да следи
всичко което излиза в нета .
Сърдечни благодарности :)))
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7. dete - досега четох на глас и 5 човека се ...
26.08.2008 15:10
досега четох на глас и 5 човека се смеят със сълзи и работата замря:-))))ей ся ако не ме уволнят-не знам кога ще е!:-))))) "Разстройвам" работната атмосфера!:-))))))
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8. vmir - Много свеж постинг!
26.08.2008 17:30
Благодаря!
цитирай
9. strianakiev - Мъжете са това...
26.08.2008 20:38
което направят жените от тях...
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10. krotalka - Благодаря ти!
26.08.2008 20:49
Повечето неща ги бях чела на различни места, но така събрани на едно, е по-хубаво!

Благодаря!
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11. letisi - прелест:)))
26.08.2008 22:32
:))))
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12. anubhis - :))
27.08.2008 07:09
seta,така е:))
ketbaloo,благодаря:))
placebo,и на теб,за подкрепата:))
tomich,обещавам по леко да я карам:))
vishnichka,и аз благодаря:)
dete,прочети ги и на шефа и готово:)
vmir,няма защо:))
strianakiev ,нали знаеш,не е луд този,който яде зелника......:))
krotalka,очаквам разказите ти с нетърпение,защо спря да пишеш?
letisi, :))
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13. анонимен - От както свят светува...
27.08.2008 10:00
едни правят зелниците, а другите го хапват..
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